What is Mature Love? Part 7

 

 

 

The Importance of Forgiveness

 

 

Mature people understand the importance of forgiveness and how it sets them free. Without forgiveness, relationships cannot stand the test of time. It is essential for both parties to forgive, to let go, and to be set free of their guilt.

Mature people also understand that “being right” has no business in a loving relationship. And yet, we do this all the time. We just believe we are right, regardless if something is true or not. It is an ego thing.

People tend to argue about anything and everything. He says “black” and she says “white”. She says “yes” and he says “no”. It seems to be a reason to argue and to prove that he/she is right. Why is this? There is no need to feel that we have to be right and to prove the other wrong? 

Why do we treat one another as though we are at war? And each argument like it is a battle to be won? There are no winners in war, everybody suffers, even if they win they suffer. Have you ever had an argument with a loved one, won the argument, by your standard anyway, and ended up feeling terrible? I have. It never feels good. I end up feeling like a bully.

Being Right Should Not Matter

 

 

I have come to realize that being right does not matter. I often forget this, but I am improving all the time. It is never a feeling good thing, a discussion, is fine, but arguments are futile. Once a discussion ends up in yelling and name calling, it is no longer a discussion, but a war. Stop, let it go, until you calm down. Pick it up again when you are both sane enough to discuss the issue.

What is truly important is coming to some kind of agreement, even if it is to agree to disagree.

I have a problem with the way my friend dresses. He doesn’t clean up as often as I would like him to. However, we are both adult individuals, and have a right to dress as we choose. If I don’t like it, that is my problem, not his.

I believe the problem is ego. I am afraid that the way he dresses is a reflection on me. This is a shallow attitude on my part. Unless he asks for my opinion, it is none of my business, and if I do not like it, too bad. This is certainly an example where “being right should not matter”.

Being Right Does Not Benefit Anyone

 

Being right does not benefit anyone, because in the end it just does not matter. It will probably matter if it is a matter of life or death, but not if it’s about getting your own way, for the sake of getting your own way. Nobody really cares if you are right or not. Everybody is too busy believing that “they” are right anyway.

It is ridiculous and ends up causing more serious conflicts. Sort out your issues and if you are wrong, admit it. Please be big enough not to gloat if your partner ends up admitting that he/she is wrong. It happens to me, and it’s no picnic. All it does, is to impress on the mind, not to admit to being wrong. However, two wrongs do not make a right. 

Decide to be kind. Leave the issue behind you and move on.

 

 

What to do Once the Issue is Sorted out.

The Importance of Forgiveness

 

Once the issue is sorted out it should be the end of it. Be grateful that the issue has been ousted from your life. This will make your burdens lighter and be free to move on. Remember, nobody is perfect, not you, not me, not anyone. It is important to accept that others have opinions and needs of their own. They should be allowed to be who they are. This is the importance of forgiveness.

If we focus on the imperfections, that is our problem, not theirs. Allow your partner to be himself/ herself, especially if you truly love them.

Acceptance helps us to understand and to forgive more readily. It is easier to face the issues at hand, when we know we are not being judged for who we are.

I am talking about every day, normal issues, not about abuse, addictions, and so on. That is an entirely different discussion. Those things are serious and should be treated as so.

 

Link to: What is Mature Love: Part 1