What You Need To Know About Mature Love vs Immature Love

What You Need to Know About Mature Love vs Immature Love

 Mature Love vs Immature Love

The Puppy-Love Stage

Puppy-Love

Mature love vs immature love begins to develop during the teen years.

I remember the term “puppy love” the negative connotation used by my mother. Unfortunately, when I came home from school telling her I was in love. However, to me, it felt real, it made me feel so good inside. Therefore, I couldn’t think about anything else, I couldn’t sleep, couldn’t eat, it was wonderful seeing this person every day. I would have done almost anything for this person without thinking about my own personal safety. Likewise, I didn’t care about my self respect either. This, after all, was love, as I understood it to be when I was 13 years old.

When we are younger and getting crushes, we love at a level that we understand. Learning about love was part of our domestication. We watched how our parents interacted with one another, or what ever the norm was in those formative years. If that relationship was good or bad, we learned to look for that type of relationship in our own lives.

We learned to love unconditionally and had few borders. When we first discover the feelings we were having for another person of our age, we behaved the same way. It’s amazing how powerful those feelings can be, even at such a young age. We were learning to grow up and our first feelings of love are most likely based on our subconscious mind. 

Hopefully, at this stage, we have good role models to help us through the difficult decisions we make for ourselves. We may rely on our friends to help us. But they are just learning themselves and could easily lead us astray. We also want to feel grown up and ready for the challenges we may be faced with.

My first crushes started early, and I had no one to talk to about it. I have no idea if this was the norm or not, but I hope it isn’t. At that young age we all need direction. Therefore, I hope the kids of today have all the direction they need especially in our more modern times.

When I Look Back on my Life

Should Have Known About Mature Love vs Immature Love

Some people have a rough time growing up. I did. Immature people tend to think they’re much more mature than they are. I dated a lot, but I never seemed to have grown up during those experiences. Somehow, I just kept making the same mistakes repeatedly. I didn’t really have a clue what I was doing. Perhaps, I just wanted someone to love me, like all my girlfriends seemed to have. I had no idea about mature love vs immature love

Somehow, I was just one of those people who just didn’t have the capacity to grow up. I fell in love for the first time when I was about 14. It was unrequited love, and it lasted for almost 4 years. He married when he was 18. Although I thought I loved him, I still dated other guys, but it didn’t help me to grow up. I kept making the same mistakes over and over again.

As my friends were all getting married and having families, I felt that I wanted the same for myself. Yet, I was still not maturing, something I now know, but wasn’t aware of back then. I thought I knew what I was doing when I fell in love again, so when I was proposed to, I said yes.

I know it took me for ever to develop a mature love. Even my first marriage was based on an immature love, no wonder it didn’t last. No wonder everybody suffered, it didn’t have a chance to succeed. Today, I feel I have a much better understanding about the difference between mature vs immature love. These are some of the lessons that I have learned along the way.

Immature love can be based on:

♥ emotions only.

♥ your self esteem being fulfilled by reciprocation.

♥ dropping everything in your life for him/her, your friends, your family, and other things. All you can think about is being with him/her.

♥ the idea that you will do anything for that person, even if your safety is in danger. Also, if it endangers your self respect. You will do anything just to have him/her notice you and love you back.

♥ looks and not so much on personality and/or integrity.

♥ the need to be loved and cared for.

♥ Immaturity saying” I can’t help myself” they are convinced that what they are experiencing “is love”.

♥ what is going on today, who they see today. They cannot comprehend that this person may not be as they appear to be. That they will change in time.

♥ not being able to wait for their love to be reciprocated. They “need” and want it “now”, much like a hungry newborn baby.

♥ the belief that somehow the other person knows them so deeply, they can read each others’ minds. They are hurt and angry, when the other “gets it wrong”.

♥ often thinking she/he is in love because they are having intercourse.

♥ the belief that intercourse does equals love.

♥ believing you are going to get your own way all the time and using manipulation to get your own way.

♥ caring more about the other person loving you than you do about liking him/her.

Mature Love

Mature love can be based on:

♥ knowing that “love” does not happen over night.

♥ not depending on feelings alone, but on a decision to love.

♥ an understanding that love comes with responsibility. You both know what these responsibilities are. For example, what happens if a pregnancy occurs?

♥ having realistic expectations of the other, they are not there to keep you happy all the time

♥ knowing that love makes room for the other to grow and to have different interests from your own. Love knows that keeping someone in bondage will not make the other love you more. Having the strength to let the other have some freedom will inevitably help the relationship grow

♥ an understanding that even if today was a horrible day, tomorrow can be better. The bad patches are just as beneficial to the relationship as the good times. Likewise, they can often be means to growth

♥ knowing that you often learn more about each other during the bad times. Each rough spot is an opportunity to work through to another steppingstone

♥ understanding the importance of forgiveness and of knowing that being “right” has no business in a loving relationship

♥ respect for the other. Mature people do not use hurtful words when they don’t understand the other. They may say to themselves, “maybe I got it wrong, I better ask more questions about this”. Couples in mature relationships do not scream at one another but talk and listen in a respectful attitude. They walk away for a while if the topic gets too hot. And come back to finish the discussion when they can talk quietly and respectfully

♥ taking responsibility for one’s own behavior and stop making excuses