What is Mature Love? Part 4

 

 

Realistic Expectations

 

 

Mature love and how love manifests itself  throughout a lifetime has an element of having realistic expectations.

When you are in a serious, adult romantic relationship, each person has to be aware of the others expectations. These expectations should be discussed, and to debate whether they are realistic or not.

For example, are you aware that your partner is not there to keep you happy all the time. Likewise, you are not responsible for your partner’s happiness either. This is nobody’s responsibility but our own.

Another example, you are expecting your partner to know what you want without telling them. You, nor your partner is a mind reader. Neither of you should ever assume that the other “should” know what you expect from them. Do not assume that they will act, say, do, or think what you expect of them. On the other hand, if you have informed your partner what you expect and they agree, that’s wonderful. You are on the same page, everything is out in the open.

Both partners have to express their needs and desires to the other. And don’t expect your partner to feel, think, do, or behave the same way you do. Each of you are unique and are not meant to be the same person.

 

 

Your Relationship is Unique

Are you Planning on Changing Your Partner?

 

You may have a plan laid out for your relationship, and you believe your partner should automatically know your plan. No way. If you have not shared your plans with your partner, and he/she has not asked you, they do not know. Perhaps he/she has their own plan as to how things are going to be, how do you feel about that? Don’t you want to know what your partner has in mind for both of you?

Perhaps you plan to have a similar relationship to what your parents had. He/she thinks it will be like his/her parents. Your partner didn’t grow up in your household, and you didn’t grow up in his/hers. But you expect your partner to know what you want. You think they should automatically know what you want, perhaps your partner is thinking the same about his wants. How are you supposed to know if those things are not expressed?

Good communication has to be a major part of your relationship. You must express what you are thinking, feeling, and expecting from the relationship and from your partner. Do you know if you have realistic expectations?

 

Are you Planning on Changing Your Partner?

 

Are you planning on your partner changing once you are living together, or worse that you are planning on changing him/her? Perhaps they are thinking the same about you. It would be really good to know that before you move in together.

If you cannot unconditionally accept your the way they are before you live together, better think twice about moving in together. This is not the way a relationship works, not unless you are looking for a miserable life together. It is so much easier to find somebody that is already perfect just the way they are.

Trying to change somebody is not a reasonable expectation. by-the-way, do you want your partner to change you? It doesn’t feel good does it? Treat others as you want to be treated yourself. This may be an old adage, but before you act, think.  How would you feel if you were treated the way you are planning to treat your partner?

 

 

Are you Certain That you are Both Ready to Live Together

 

Are you certain that you are both ready to live together and for the responsibilities of doing so? So many people rush in thinking that living together will bring instant gratification. Too many do not allow the relationship time to grow before living together. Do you know your partner enough to live with him/her? Do you have realistic expectation, then you’re good, if not, get them out of the way?

Are you mature enough to live together and prepared to meet all the challenges that living together causes? If so, that’s awesome, you are most likely prepared for that next big step in your relationship. Many are still immature and have no idea what they are getting into. Know what you each expect from one another, and talk about what you think your relationship will look like.

 

 

Sometimes Love Isn’t Enough

Realistic Expectations

 

Are you both rushing into a relationship that you are not ready for? No matter how much you love one another, it is not enough to keep you together.

Be sure you both know what you are getting into before you take that leap. Begin on a solid foundation. That foundation will be more likely to be solid if you have good communication. It is the key. Love is just not enough.

Communication about your expectations will let your partner know what you want from him/her. You will know what your partner expects from you. Do not wait until you are living together to do this.

Pain the picture of expectations as clearly as you can, and have your partner do the same for you. The clearer you are about your expectations, the more prepared you will be to succeed in your relationship.

Remember you must have realistic expectations.

 

Link to: What is Mature Love: Part 1