I am a Chameleon
I am a chameleon, I wear many masks, and change my opinions and my behaviors in order to please others. Sometimes I use masks to cut other people off from knowing the real me. I do this mostly when I fear being judged and rejected. Too afraid they will break my heart if they get to know me too well.
During my growth and my in my state of awakening, I see all the rolls I play and often for get who I am. I am a wonderful little actress, however, I am surrounded by actresses and actors all the time. Always trying to please people we like, don’t like, know and don’t know.
I have finally chosen to find my authentic self. I hope others make that choice as well. But I wonder, where did I go, how did I become a chameleon to begin with?
I Became who Others Told me to Become
I am a Chameleon
This me I always thought I was is beginning to dissipate. This persona that other people created from the time I was born, is finally waking up. All these people telling me who I was, what I was, and what I was suppose to grow into, were mostly wrong. Now I have to find my authentic self.
These opinions started coming at me at a very young age. I remember this little rhyme from when I was very young, perhaps at 2 or 3. It goes like this:
There was a little girl
Who had a little curl
Right in the middle of her forehead
When she was good
She was very very good
But when she was bad
She was horrid
I believed I was horrid. People told me I was spoiled rotten. Usually, those words are used to describe fruits and vegetables, they are sometimes “spoiled rotten”. Why would anyone want to label a child that way? But in my day, people used phrases like that all the time to discipline their children.
I am a Chameleon
In school I was told I would fail. I was told I couldn’t dance, couldn’t sing, and that I couldn’t fit in. One of my teachers, one that I respected, accused me of cheating in front of the entire class. I couldn’t cheat, it just wasn’t my way. Then I was told so many times that I couldn’t do anything right, I just took it for granted. That lie followed me for the best part of my life.
I was told over and over that I was stubborn, that my voice sounded like I was about to cry all the time. I was used by those I loved and cared for. Laughed at and ridiculed for trying to fit in.
However, I was also loved, cherished and taken care of. I was told that I was pretty, that my hair was gorgeous, that I could be anything I wanted to be. This is all about domestication and the opinions of others.
Therefore, I became a chameleon.
These are the Opinions of Others and do not Define me
These opinions that I believed defined me for most of my life, are not who I am, they are the opinions of others. Those old beliefs are falling by the wayside and they are dissipating into thin air. But that’s ok. I am in the process of waking up to reality. Therefore, I recognize the chameleon within me and I no longer want to be the identity that others created for me.
I still behave in so many different ways. There is an abundance of masks, always at the ready when I need them. Therefore, I can change who I am in the blink of an eye. They only know the mask I happen to be wearing. The people who believe they know me, don’t know me as well as some strangers do. Sometimes it’s easier to be myself when I am with strangers. They can judge me, because, if they do, it doesn’t hurt.
Why I Wear Masks
I use them to hide my true feelings, my identity, and they allow me to act like I believe they want me to. They make me feel safe in some circumstances. I don’t necessarily like them or dislike them. They just are. However, I long to be authentic.
Often times it’s just easier to hide my true feelings and/or emotions. The masks are not always effective as I am certain that some people can read me better than others. I am recognizing that everyone I know wears masks. I see it in their eyes, in their expressions, their body language, their voice, and their behaviors.
However, this whole charade has become tiring for me. I well imagine that this behavior is not good for my mental health. Therefore, I try my best to be as authentic as I possibly can. I have chosen to keep some of the domestication that was imposed on me. Because, I have found that they ring true with my authentic self.
Honesty for example, means a great deal to me. However, there are times when I don’t have to say what I am truly feeling or wanting to say. Being honest does not give me the right to hurt another person’s feelings. Even though we are all responsible for how we feel, there are many people who don’t know and/or understand this truth. So I am careful with my words. This is me being authentic.
I am not Alone
The truth is, I know I am not alone. I see mask wearing on almost everyone I know, I am also aware of them on strangers. Perhaps I am not yet completely authentic, but I have loads of company. Are you a chameleon? Are you one of us?
The time had come for me to decide for myself who I truly am. The answers are all within me. It is time to rid myself of all those masks that I no longer need nor want. I don’t want to hide anymore. Therefore, I spend more time in the core of me. I Am is there waiting for me to wake up to my reality.
Perhaps it is time for you to wake up as well. You can find your way back to the authentic one you were born to be.
Suggested Reading: The Four Agreements by don Miguel Ruiz
This link will take you to Amazon.ca