What are the Stories you Tell Yourself?
The Stories you Tell Yourself
Do the Stories Serve you Well?
The stories we tell ourselves are happening all the time. We all tell ourselves stories. But, do they serve us well, or do they harm us? Stop now and again and pay attention to the silent words going on in your mind.
Do the Stories Serve you Well?
Do the stories serve you well? You may think they do, however, most of the time, they do not!
For example, perhaps you had a disagreement with someone. She thinks she’s right, and you think you’re right. You are telling yourself a story about this disagreement. Most likely one of the things you are saying sounds a bit like like this, “She’s wrong and I’m right”. Perhaps not these exact words but something similar.
As you are telling yourself this story you may think it feels good. Therefore, you expand the story to make you feel even better. However, if you stop for a moment to examine how you really feel, I bet you are feeling angry. And you notice the more you tell yourself she is wrong, the worse you fell. Other thoughts about other arguments begin to pop into your mind so you feel even worse.
Before you know it you have a whole group of people gabbing in your head, fighting to be heard. You are probably feeling angry, sad, frustrated and so on. This is not serving you well. This is ruining your day and even longer, depends on how long you keep telling yourself the stories.
But I Have Been Treated so Badly
This is something I hear from people all the time, it’s like a mantra. “I have been treated so badly”. Perhaps, like I said before, these may not be the exact words but they add up to the same.
Some of us carry these stories for years on end. We never forgive and we carry the burdens of hurt, anger, resentment, blame and so on forever. It may go way for a while, but sure enough, one day it all comes flooding back. You have not forgiven, you have not forgotten, nor have you let go.
He said this to me. She did this to me. They treated me so badly. Yes, perhaps they did, and perhaps you have a right to complain and be angry. However, you are the one who carries these burdens around with you, it’s your load. Do you really want to to be miserable, or do you want to be free? It’s a choice, keep bringing up the past and you will suffer misery. But hey, it’s up to you.
I am French, and my story goes something like this, “The English treated us so badly”. Yes, it happened. So what? I’m free as a bird, I come and go as I please, nobody takes my rights away from me any more. I dropped this story when I was in grade school. However, I still hear it coming from different groups who refuse to let it go.
The stories we tell ourselves do not serve us well. They only make us angry, self-pity, and fills us with discontent.
They Deserve to be Punished
They deserve to be punished for what they said to me, did to me, and how they treated me. And I am going to give them what they deserve. Sometimes it doesn’t even matter who they punish, as long as somebody pays for my pain. What a pile of crap !
Have you ever heard this story in your head? How do you punish the people for what they said or did? Do you yell at them, push them around, take something away from them? Maybe you give them the silent treatment ot take your love away from them>
Do you really feel better after you do some of these things? I don’t and I never have. These punishments always make me feel like I am less human. Like a bully preying on the weaknesses of others.
The Stories are so Powerful
The stories we tell ourselves are so powerful and it doesn’t matter if they are fact or fiction. We believe our stories and we act upon them. Even if we don’t punish or react to the other person. Our stories affect our emotions, this is an act, unfortunately, it’s an act against yourself. You feel bad, but you could feel good. Change the story. Forgive, forget and let it go.
We carry these burdens around with us like we wear a badge. We tell ourselves, our family, our friends and anyone who will listen to your story about all the injustices that you have suffered. Therefore you keep these things alive.
We are not willing to forgive, because if we forgive, they get away with what they did. But forgiveness in not just for the other person, it is more for ourselves.
If we choose not to forgive, forget and let go, we carry that burden on our shoulders. Similarly, we carry resentment, hate, anger, sadness and, heartache. And we will be reminded of it over and over again. It will come back to haunt us when we least expect it to.
Until you make the decision to forgive and to let go, this wrong will be your constant companion. The stories we tell ourselves do not serve us well.
But What he did was Really bad
Yes, I know, it was really bad. It destroyed a part of you and you believe you can never get back what you have lost. Therefore, he will have to be punished.
“You have no idea what she did to me. She ruined my life, and she is going to pay the price. I don’t care that it’s my mother, my sister, or my best friend. She is going to pay for what she did”.
I have a few rotten experiences I could choose to dwell on, I did, for years. However, the stories never served me well. The stories kept me trapped in hurt, anger, and pain. They kept me feeling powerless to live the life I wanted for myself. Therefore, I chose to forgive, forget, and to let go. When the thoughts come again, I choose to let them go, and they rarely come back to haunt me. Good, because I don’t want to carry those burdens any more.
Forgive, Forget, and Leave the Stories in the Past
Do my Stories Serve me Well?
If you feel pain from an experience that happened to you 5 minutes ago, or 5 years ago, let it go.
Forgive, forget and leave it in the past. The only way this experience can hurt you is if you allow it to. And if you do this, then you are giving your power away. You are giving away your peace, happiness, and your mental health.
This is not an easy thing to do. I know because I had to learn this stuff as well. It took a long time, but the freedom is so worth it.
First, you have to become aware of your thoughts. Secondly, establish the stories you tell yourself. Thirdly, let go of the stories. Lastly, forgive, forget, and let it go. Continue to do this until the thoughts and stories let go of you.
It may be difficult, however, with practice and patience it does get easier.
Ask yourself, “do my stories serve me well?”