Why You Need to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others

Why do we Compare Ourselves to Others?

Stop Comparing Yourself

Meeting new People

Stop comparing yourself to others. Why indeed, do we compare ourselves to others? I have decades worth of experience with comparing myself to others. Consequently, I think I have a pretty good idea where it comes from. One memory I have, comes from a very young age, elementary school, if my memory is correct. I was jealous of my brother because he was stronger than I was. For instance, he was allowed to take risks in the games he played, he got to wear jeans, and he was allowed to pee out in the yard. However, I was not allowed to pee in the yard.

I loved my brother to no end, and I wanted to be just like him. However, I was terribly jealous that he was a boy, and I was just a girl.

I was also jealous of my older sisters who were much more grown up than I was. They had loads of freedom, had pretty clothes, had a record player, and loads of records. And they were also allowed to have house parties with all their friends and loads of goodies to eat. I still thought that being a boy would be so much better though.

Meeting new People

I started to meet new people in school and meeting fun girls to hang out with. I decided it was just as much fun being a girl. My new friend had a life-sized playhouse, filled with actual furniture, and the prettiest dolls I had ever seen. She also had the prettiest clothes I had ever seen a girl wear. And yes, I was jealous of her too, but I loved her. She was my best friend all through elementary school and high school.

I wonder if this thing of comparing ourselves to others is just a part of human nature. However, I also believe it is something we can change about ourselves once we realize how useless it is?

Jealousy has always followed me around, but I thank God it was generally toward people I loved. Therefore, it never got out of hand, because I never wanted to hurt the people that I loved so dearly. I don’t recall telling anyone how I felt, but if I did, I don’t remember any repercussions.

Today, if I feel this way, I generally tell the person involved. I have noticed, that in a way it makes them feel good about themselves. This tends to dissolve the bad feelings almost instantly.

Deep down inside I truly do want people to be, to have, to enjoy their lives to the fullest. I hate that feeling of jealousy, it only makes me feel bad, so it’s wonderful when it dissolves. Thus, a peaceful feeling replaces the jealousy.

Other Than Jealousy, are There Other Reasons for This Comparison Game we Play?

I remember having a terrible self-esteem, and it began as a pre-teen. Everyone, it seemed to me, was prettier than I was, had nicer clothes, had more attention from the boys. They were better at sports, were smarter, had more grown-up bodies, and on it went.

But that was the story I was telling myself at the time. Today, when I look back on those days, I can see clearly that I had my fair share of all those things. In some cases, less, but in other ways, more.

When I was older and got married, everyone seemed to have a better life than I. The house, car, job, and even their husband was more handsome. It appeared to me that women had prettier clothes, hair styles, faces. Somehow, they were smarter, better mothers and better wives. It just never ended, everything seemed to be greener on the other side of the fence.

I may have had less than some, but I also had more than others. I woke up to the reality of life and to my discontent. It became noticeably clear to me, that my ego was playing a pivotal role in my life and in my discontent. My ego constantly told me how unfair life was and how much others had compared to me.

Ego plays games in our minds, that voice that never seems to stop talking. It is amazing how that voice cannot be heard out loud, yet it always speaks the loudest. Ego is that voice that tells us who we are. And it also tells us how important or how unimportant we are, and what abilities we have or do not have.

It is this voice that compares us to others. Thus, our opinion of ourselves, and rarely are we generous with praise for ourselves. It is the voices of those who told us what they believed about us, and most of it was negative. However, we chose to believe them. We bought those opinions, hook, line, and sinker and then added on to those stories and rarely improved them. I cannot understand why we are so willing to believe the opinions of others, especially when they are so harmful. Once we are aware of ego it is up to each of us to sort out the truth from the fiction. This is so much easier to do if we have a healthy self-esteem.

Are There Benefits to Comparing Ourselves to Others?

I can see where there is at least one benefit to doing this, it can motivate us to do better. We are all gifted with our own unique abilities. Therefore, if we give things a try, we may find that we are better than someone else at a certain task. We may discover that we are happier than others. Something entirely different may be the source of our happiness and not what someone else has.

We may discover that we don’t really want what another has, does, or whatever your jealousy is about. All of us are unique in how we think, feel, and how we express ourselves. Also, how we dress, what we believe, and everything else that we tend to compare with others. In this society we live in, it seems as though we want to be like everybody else. Being the unique people we are, doesn’t seem to make us happy. I think that we’re wrong about that.

It may be a good idea to look at others to help improve our lives. However, not if we always end up feeling bad about ourselves because we don’t seem to measure up. And not if all we see is the negative side of who and what we are.

The truth is, there will always be someone who has more, does more, lives a better life etc. But there will always be someone who has less, does less, lives a worse life etc. than we do. Chances are there are people who look up to you and are comparing themselves with you. So, stop, count your blessings, and move towards the person you are meant to be. Find your own path and own it!

How to Stop Comparing Ourselves to Others

To begin with, you can learn to love yourself and learn to be your own best friend. Learn to speak to yourself as you would to your best friend. Ask yourself if you would speak to your friend the way you speak to yourself. The answer is probably “no”.

You would want the best for them, and you would want them to believe in themselves. And you would want them to see just how wonderful, talented, beautiful, and how perfect they are. You would let them know how much you love them, and how you would support them. This is how you must speak to yourself and how you need to treat yourself.

You also need to become aware of the things that trigger jealousy. Your envy, low self-esteem, and all the things that cause you to compare yourself to others. Becoming aware of the things that you are telling yourself will help you to stop the habit. Especially when you see the effect it has on your self-esteem.

Feelings and Emotions

I remember feeling these emotions when I visited people who owned massive homes and properties. They were beautifully decorated both inside and out. What I noticed however, was that these feelings and emotions were short lived. Almost as soon as I left those properties, the comparison game left me.

Peace came quickly when I chose to consciously decide to pay closer attention to what I was telling myself. Especially about what I thought I should have. Reality would suddenly come flooding in on me. I would become aware that most of these properties were owned by the bank.

They were all trying to keep up with the Jones’s. and were never truly happy. Also, they were too busy keeping up an image for their friends, their families, and neighbours. They also wanted to impress the people who drove past their homes. I also realized that they were never satisfied, they were always talking about their next property.

Even though I didn’t live an opulent lifestyle, I was always happy to get back to my own cozy home. A comfortable home that I owned. I always feel the peacefulness, the ease, the relaxation when I walk into my home.

The Stories we Tell Ourselves

The bad feelings I was experiencing came down to the stories I was telling myself. I now understand that it is up to me to choose not to compare myself or my lifestyle with others. I am much happier, and I love what I have.

It’s a good idea to learn to be grateful for all the good things in your life. Your family, friends, home, your job, and try to stop looking at what you lack. If you want more, then work towards changing those things and do the best you can.

All you get from comparing your life to others is sadness, anger, and disappointment. Surely they are mostly negative thoughts. If you insist on making comparisons, use them as steppingstones to propel yourself to the next level. Discover ways to achieve your desire and stop carrying the load of comparison on your shoulders.

You can also document your achievements. As a result, you can see how far you’ve come along. See how much you’ve grown; how capable you are at getting what you want in life. This will teach you to be much more positive in your thinking and help stop the negative stories you tell yourself.

You need to stop comparing yourself to others because if you don’t it will never stop. However, there will always be something better, and it’s okay to want more. It’s wonderful to have a better life, better circumstances, and it’s wonderful to set goals, and to aim for achievements.

However, comparing yourself and feeling bad about yourself isn’t the answer. Stop this habit as soon as you realize that you are doing it. Rather, count your blessings instead and remind yourself that you are working on changing your circumstances and doing your best. Accordingly, be your own best friend.

My Point Is

You are not doing yourself any favours by comparing yourself to others. It only serves to make you feel bad about yourself and your life. Consequently, if something in your life isn’t to your satisfaction, then do what you can to improve that aspect of your life.

Currently there are more courses of study available. You can work and go to university; you can study online. If you need financial help to educate yourself, it is there for you.

If your issues are personal; how you look, if you have mental issues, addiction issues, whatever, there is help available. If you need council to help you to change your life, it is available as well.

Identically, there are so many choices as to how you decide to live your life. For example, you may not even know what you want for yourself. Therefore, search and see what may interest you. For example, don’t just sit back and do nothing while complaining how good other people have it. Do what you can to help yourself achieve your desires. Dream as big as you can imagine and see what happens.

What You Can Do

Figure out what you genuinely want for yourself in this life. Learn to love yourself. Learn to be your own best friend. Know that you are unique and know that you are a blessing to the world. Learn that you are perfect just the way you are, and that the world needs you. To clarify, you were put on this planet for a purpose, figure out what that is.

Please pay attention to your thoughts and feelings. Unfortunately, they will cause you distress if you find that you are always comparing your life to others. Learn to be grateful for what you have and set goals for the things you want to achieve in your life.

Know that you deserve to have all that you want and need in this life. Certainly, learn to trust in your abilities. Stop comparing yourself to others.

Blessings to all.