Jealousy and Envy Defined
Jealousy and envy are defined as;
Envy is defined as;
Envy is a verb. “Envy is the feeling you have when you wish you could have the same thing or quality that someone else has”. (Collins Dictionary)
To feel uneasiness, mortification or discontent, at the sight of superior excellence, reputation, or happiness enjoyed by another. To feel discontent at another’s prosperity. To fret or grieve one’s self at the real or supposed superiority of another, and to hate him on that account. (Webster Dictionary.com)
pintrest
Admitting to Jealousy and Envy
Keeping up With the Joneses
This was rather a rough week for me as I had to admit to feeling jealousy and envy. They came crashing down on me. They induced memories that I had long since buried. I started feeling guilty because of those emotions. I don’t generally feel this way so I was also shocked because of the intensity of those emotions.
For the past 35 years I have dreamed of owning a cottage and/or a RV. However, because of the circumstances of life, it just never happened. Since I am getting older, I dream about it more every spring. I just cannot seem to let it go. However, I have a happy, healthy life, and I have everything I need and so much more. Unfortunately, I still “think” I need that RV to make my life better.
Keeping up With the Joneses
It seems, for the past 2 or 3 years, everybody I know seems to own one of these R.V.’s. Some small, some big, some massive. I want something smallish, and up until this point I never felt jealous or envious. But a few days ago, something snapped in me when my neighbor came home with his new R.V. He planted his new toy, right next door to my property and in full view. I cannot look out the window without seeing it, I cannot go sit on one of my decks without seeing this thing in my line of vision. It was just too much for me.
Thank God this feeling only lasted about 24 hours. I am convinced that this was the Universe having a laugh at me. I am a firm believer that everything that happens, happens for a reason. Perhaps always for the best, and this was no exception. Although these emotions don’t occur very often, It appears that I still had a lesson to learn. These bouts of jealousy don’t last very long. I have a tendency to acknowledge the feelings and tend to let them go quite quickly. However, I was shocked to recognize how powerful this experience was. I knew I had to dig down inside to establish what was truly going on. Then to examine how deep the roots were.
Uncovering the Roots of Jealousy
Jealousy
At first I defined what was going on inside as jealousy but then realized it was envy. There is a difference between the two. I have had my share of jealousy and it isn’t pretty. And, it is something more personal than envy, something that rips at my heart. It is usually a feeling of fear, of losing someone’s love for me to someone else. Likewise, it is a feeling of losing out on being close to the people who mean the most to me.
My family is not exactly a close-knit unit. I have always, as far back as I can remember, felt a separation from my siblings. But I was remarkably close to my dad. I felt like I didn’t belong and that I was never truly accepted by my siblings. I did have choices, I could continually dwell on the negative aspects of my family’s rejection or let go. I chose the latter many years ago and choose to love and appreciate my situation. But I see this situation as the roots of my issues and with the fear of loss.
Rejection
I think I felt the rejection so deeply that I never developed a reasonable amount of self-esteem. I didn’t know how to walk away from the pain I experienced as I was growing up. It was easier to bury the pain every time I felt it because it caused me shame to feel so helpless. But over the past several years I did learn to love myself. I created boundaries and developed the courage to walk away from the discomfort of being rejected. Those experiences of rejection had filled me with fear of loss and fueled the emotion of jealousy. I was seeing that my siblings had a connection that I wasn’t a part of, and it caused jealousy and envy. All this came flooding into my being when I thought I was feeling jealousy and I understand now. It was why I had to go through this experience. The Universe has a strange way of opening our eyes at times.
The Realization That I was Experiencing Envy
After spending so much time and energy looking at my past, I was amazed to recognize that this was not jealousy but envy. This wasn’t a feeling of hurt that I experienced through jealousy. This R.V. thing wasn’t personal. It was not that I didn’t want these people to go without, it was just the opposite. I wanted them to be happy and to have all the joy I wanted for myself. But I was envious and ashamed for feeling this way. I realized I didn’t even want what they had. It was what I thought would make me happier, and seeing their toy reminded me of that want. I then had to establish where this envy was lodged within me so that I could deal with it.
I began to recall times when I was young, perhaps 5 or 6 and beyond. This was a time when I envied what others had, toys, clothes, living close to our local school. This allowed them to be at home with their parents much longer than I could. It took me 45 minutes to walk from my home to the school. There was no malice toward them, I just wanted what they had.
I also realize that envy is usually due to the stories I tell myself. For example, what it must be like to have what another has, or to be like another person is. The truth is, I have no idea what that would be like. Perhaps there were kids who envied me, but I just wasn’t aware of that.
Envy
I thought more about the things that brought on the feeling of envy. I began to take on a new perspective about the desire for that RV. Since I have no idea about what it’s really like to own one of these things, I began to look at the other side of being an owner. So, instead of filling my head about all the benefits I thought about the downfalls.
There are costs like insurance, licensing, upkeep, fuel, and places to park it. I want a small unit. Therefore, I began wondering what it would be like to be in such a small space if the weather was bad. Would it have a bathroom, something I wouldn’t want to go without. These thoughts had the effect of knocking that envy down a notch or two. Therefore, the excitement just wasn’t there anymore. The envy is gone. All it took was a different perspective. Now I just feel silly for wasting my time and energy on a story I kept telling myself.
Jealousy and envy are useless entities that we all need to keep at bay.
Positive Aspects of Jealousy and Envy
Empowerment
They can empower us to work toward our goals, to achieve the things we desire. We also need to remember that we are telling ourselves a story about a desire. We need to look at things from both a positive and negative perspective so it is balanced. Some of the things we believe we want or even need, may not satisfy us at all. Perhaps the reality of it all will fall short of our expectations. There will always be someone to envy, always someone better off. Is what we want about ego or something we truly need and/or want for our life? Are we willing to work for this thing, if not, we may be dreaming a hopeless dream.
Different Perspectives
They can help us to grow and to learn new ways of dealing with our wants. We learn to look at things in other ways, much like the RV I wanted, It would still be nice to have, but my story is much more balanced. Perhaps staying in a motel would be much more suitable for me. I have learned a wonderful, useful lesson, and will put that knowledge to use the next time I feel envious.
Stop Comparing
I have also learned to stop comparing my life with others. I am now much more focused on what I already have. My home is in the country and I live on a small island. I am only minutes away from the beach. I have 2 decks, a large yard and wildlife around me. I really don’t need to own that RV, I can choose to be happy without it.
Bad Feelings do not Help Anyone
I realized how much trouble my mind caused me, the turmoil, and bad feelings are not good for anyone. I became aware of my thoughts. Therefore, I started thinking about what I had rather than what I wanted, and I felt 100% better. Now I know I can use this method any time I feel jealous or envious, I no longer waste my time on these useless emotions. Jealousy and envy caused me to wake up, but the same method can be used for other emotions. For example, hate, wanting to win in an argument, thinking that “if only” thought, they are useless emotions. Changing the story we tell ourselves will go a long way in freeing ourselves from jealousy and envy.
A Much More Positive Attitude
I have developed a much more positive attitude over the years. This is because I realized to change the way I was looking at things. I think this is why this whole episode hit me so hard. This is not something that happens to me very often. Therefore, I had forgotten how it felt to be so jealous and envious. It was a great reminder for me. I think these emotions come with a victim attitude as well, and that doesn’t help anybody.
What’s the Point?
I have been the one to have experienced jealousy and envy this time. However, we are all capable of this. There are many levels of feelings and reactions associated with these feelings and emotions. Some people can be truly cruel when they have no idea what is going on inside of them. Therefore it’s important to look inside to examine what the root cause of this stuff is. I am always grateful to be aware of my feelings so I can rid myself of this stuff as soon as possible. Also remember that there is nothing wrong with having feelings and emotions, it’s what makes us human. Know that the problem is associated with how we express ourselves.
Some people seem to be the jealous and envious types. They have a tendency to complain a lot and, everything seems to be a challenge for them. They tend to feel sorry for themselves, so they complain a lot. They get angry and nothing seems to go right for them. I think that we draw to us what we think about most of the time. Therefore, it’s hard to attract good things when we are in the frame of mind of lack. I sometimes wonder if they are even aware of their feelings and behaviors. Therefore, perhaps there is no possibility of locating the roots of their problems. I try not to engage too much with people like this. They seem to draw me into their drama, so I walk away.
What you can do
As soon as you recognize the jealousy and/or envy that you are feeling try to establish where the feelings are coming from. Is this something, a need or just a want? Is it a belief that you are less than someone else? What story are you telling yourself , is it true, is it coming from an ego driven desire? Are these feelings causing relationship issues? It doesn’t really matter what the desire is. However, you need to recognize what it is and where it’s coming from. Are there things you can do to empower yourself to feel better about yourself?
Do you have a tendency to complain and compare yourself to others? Pay attention to your thoughts and listen to the chatter that goes on in your head. We all have this happening all the time, but few of us learn to listen. It’s just chatter, and most of the time it’s the ego telling you lies. Try looking at your life with a positive, grateful attitude, you attract what you think about. Therefore, be careful what you put out there. Think about what you may need to give up in order to get what you think you need and/or want. Be realistic, you may surprise yourself.
Like this:
Like Loading...
Related
