Blessing in Disguise Defined
A blessing in disguise is;
- An apparent misfortune that eventually has good results. Oxford Languages
- Something that seems bad or unlucky at first, but results in something good happening later. Cambridge Dictionary Website
- A misfortune that unexpectedly turns into good fortune, as in “Missing the train was a blessing in disguise, for if I hadn’t, I wouldn’t have met my wife. dictionary.com
Looking at Experiences From a new Perspective
I Created a Mess
When I look back on my life I can see all the wonderful things that have developed because of those “negative” circumstances. Sometimes, as our lives seem to be falling apart, we’re not really thinking about how great things are going. It’s more like “Why is this happening to me? I deserve better than this. Why am I so unlucky? “. I, for one, am learning to step back and ask, “I wonder where this experience is taking me?”.
Because I can look back now, I find it to be rather exciting. I recognize, for example, why specific relationships didn’t work out. And I can now thank my lucky stars that I was rescued from those relationships. They fell apart because some divine purpose, probably saving me from some greater disaster. I am so grateful for those interventions today.
I grew from those lessons, I matured and I became stronger. Somehow I began to understand that I was just as good a person on my own as I was partnered up with another person. I also believe that I was only given circumstances in life that I could handle.
I grew up thinking that my role in life was to grow up and find myself a husband. My role would be to have children and live happily ever after. Mostly everyone I knew was on the same track, I didn’t question it. I didn’t think it could be different for me, and maybe even better for me to choose another track.
I grew up in the ’50s and 60s listening to the popular music of the era. And I fell hook, line, and sinker for the lyrics of the day. Find a boyfriend, fall in love, get married, find the perfect little house. Then have children, and live happily ever after, in perfect bliss. I also fell for the Cinderella story and so did most of the girls I knew. For sure, some of those relationships turned out just great. However, things are not always what they seem to be. It sure didn’t turn out so great for me.
I Created a Mess
I was a slow learner, immature, stubborn, and determined to live my life just the way I wanted to. Just the way the lyrics of the songs told me I should. I got married all right, not so sure I was in love, I had two sons, who deserved better than a girl living in fantasy land. But it was not for me. The marriage fell apart, and so did I. And my beautiful boys that paid the price for my stupidity. It was a mess.
All of this eventually turned into a “blessing in disguise”. I had to learn to grow up and to find out for myself that I could make it on my own. And I found that the Cinderella story was a load of crap. My sons, having lived through this nightmare at a critical time in their lives, survived and became amazing men. I wish it could all have been different for all our sakes. However, all I can do is leave it in the past and be grateful that I learned lessons from it all.
I learned new skills as time went on and discovered I could live my life on my own. I didn’t need a partner, someone to need me and love me. My lessons are not over yet, and I don’t always see the benefits when things change into some horrible experience. I am more apt to remember that there probably is a rainbow at the end of the storm. Therefore, I don’t panic like I used to. I change my perspective and trust in the universe to make everything right. In most cases, things turn out to be much better than I anticipated. I don’t have to see the full picture, instead, I prefer the “wait and see” approach. Less fear and panic and a natural flow occur because of it.
Those old Beliefs Have a Tendency to Take Hold of us
Because I grew up in the era that I did, I was raised to believe in the rules of the day. I grew up in a tiny community, in the country. There was very little to do, therefore radio and tv, were my link to the outside world. I truly believed all the things that I heard on the radio or watched on tv. My role models were actors and shows about fake families and fake lives. Shows about women who married, stayed home to raise kids, do housework, and look pretty for their successful husbands. I thought it was a perfect life. Therefore I created a mess.
I didn’t really care about anything else, I just wanted to be like everyone else. On top of that, my mom and dad seemed to have a healthy, loving relationship. It was like they were best friends. My brothers and sisters, and I were always cared for. Our family portrait just seemed to perfectly fit the unwritten rule of the 50’s and 60’s. I can’t complain, I had a good life. So of course it’s what I wanted for myself. The problem is, I didn’t have the maturity and didn’t know what I was doing. What a mess I made. Add religious codes of conduct to the mix and I had a recipe for disaster.
My recipe had ingredients such as; anxiety, fear of failure, self-loathing, guilt, and co-dependence. I was dealing with my heart being broken all the time. But most of all it felt like I failed to please almost everyone including my mom, dad, and myself. I always seemed to get it wrong, the harder I tried the worse it got. Unfortunately I was just a little girl trying to live the life of a woman. I was trying to live the fantasy I had developed from songs, tv. As well, I was believing what I told myself about my mom and dad and other couples I believed were living in bliss.
Things Have a Way of Turning out for the Best
Years have gone past since those days of being a scared little girl in women’s clothing. I was trying to have a perfect life. Over the past few years, I have been able to forgive myself for all the harm I caused myself and others. I have changed my perspective on all those perceived “sins”, mistakes, and failures, and I now see them as lessons learned. I see those circumstances and myself from the perspective of a mature woman, looking back on that girl, forgiving her, and loving her so very much. Memories of shame come flooding back to punish me. The woman inside forgives, nurtures, and shows the girl the lessons learned and the growth accomplished. I know whatever comes around will almost certainly turn out for the best.
My Point is
If I live another 10, 20, or 30 years, I know I will always have challenging experiences, however, I also know they will always be a blessing in disguise. They come as opportunities to grow and to develop as an individual. They come to teach me to trust in the Infinite Intelligence, in God, whatever you want to call this entity. I am grateful that I know this Being, and the good news is, we don’t have to believe in this loving entity to benefit from its abundance, it is given to all of us.
What you can do
You can begin to look back on your life and recognize your challenges as blessings. Find the good that happened because something that seemed negative at the time, turned out to be a gift. Then you can learn to go with the flow and stop trying to fight it all the time, if you believe that everything happens for a reason, you will be less likely to torment yourself with worry.
Also please recognize when you are causing your own problems. If things are not working out for you, maybe stop doing the same things over and over again. Learn the lessons that Universal Intelligence is trying to teach you. It’s all about growth.