Families and Love

Love is a serious issue and special care is needed to cultivate it and to keep it growing

What You Need to Know About Responsible Parenting.

 

I Have Been a Responsible Parent For Several Years.

Making Parenting Easier on Our Children and Ourselves.

 

Responsible parenting is one of the most important jobs any of us will ever have. We can either make it difficult or easier on our children and ourselves. This is a compellation of some of the responsibilities of parenting that I have encountered. Things I have learned to do and what not to do.

I am a mom and I have tons of experience parenting both my sons, therefore, I have wonderful memories and some not so wonderful. My parenting wasn’t the worse, but I certainly made it more difficult on my children and on myself than it needed to be. These  children were well fed, always had clean clothes, had a roof over their heads, and had loads of love. I did not have the maturity to be the parent I should have been, but I did the best that I could at the time. Responsible parenting has always been my aim.

As a result I can give you guidelines, I can tell you the basics of what to do and what not to do. I know that love was and still is my number one asset when it comes to parenting, unfortunately it’s not enough. There is envy for the parents that are really great at it and I am always thankful to witness that. Now I watch my son and daughter-in-law parent, and I think to myself – they’re really good parents and I think they’re doing an amazing job.

 

The Most Important Job Any of us Will Ever Have.

Parenting the Very Young Child.

 

Parenting those babies, that we are responsible for, are going to grow up and become adults. How they behave as adults has an awful lot to do with how serious we are about being responsible parents. As Robert Fulghum once said, “Don’t worry that children never listen to you; worry that they are always watching you.” We have a huge responsibility to our children, so many of us worry about how our children behave, many of us should be more concerned about our own behavior. “If there is anything that we wish to change in the child, we should first examine it and see whether it is not something that could better be changed in ourselves.” C.G. Jung.
We are taking on responsibility as soon as we decide to bring a child into this world . Is responsible parenting on the top of our list? In other words, we should ask ourselves if we are indeed ready to be parents, do we indeed have the maturity to do this? Do we have serious health issues, serious addiction issues that will harm our children? Are we financially secure, do we have the support, or do we even need support? Can we be patient and do we have the love required to do this most important task? Once our child arrives we realize at once how important all of these issues are. We need all of these things in place in order for us to care properly for our precious children.

Some of us are Really Good at the Job.

Don’t be Too Hard on Yourself, we All Make Mistakes.

Some of us are really good at the job while some of us, find it to be a constant challenge to do it right. As a consequence we worry about the choices we make as a parent all the time. The balancing act for me was a major issue. I would ask myself questions like, am I being too tough, too lenient, do I hug them often enough, maybe too much. The only thing I was really sure about doing right was providing food, clothing, shelter, a clean environment and a safe one.  I loved them absolutely, and tried always to do my best by them.

However, we all make mistakes, we get it wrong sometimes. We don’t intend to to get it wrong, but we do. Consequently, we learn not do those things again, and we find better ways to deal with our issues. I learned very early on to apologize to my children when I knew I was wrong. The age doesn’t matter, it is a show of affection and respect for our precious children. Doing this is also a great sign of love, it doesn’t diminish who you are as a parent or as an adult to admit when you do something wrong.  As a result this will show your children how important they are to you.

 

Infancy

Responsible parenting begins as soon as you decide to have that baby. Bringing that infant home is the easy job, you love him, feed him, bathe him, change his diapers, hold him, rock him, watch him sleep and grow. Meanwhile he is growing into an individual who needs to be disciplined. That was the difficult part for me. 

 

School Age

I had no idea how to teach my child how to behave, therefore, I screamed, yelled, talked until I was blue in the face. Screaming will not work, so I caution you, “DO NOT SCREAM.” It will not help one little bit. All it does is teach your child to scream if he wants his own way. Lets face it, this is what we want, for the child to do what “we” want him to do. The same goes for using force against your child. Don’t do it! 

I wish I would have known sooner, that taking the child’s mind off of what he was focused on for a minute or two, would have solved many of the discipline issues I had. Until they are at least three, this works just great. Move him away from his focus, give him a hug and kiss, as a consequence, he calms down and will forget what he was doing. In other words, if you deal calmly  with the situation, the child will also become calm. 

Never pull your love away from your child. You don’t punish them when they’re little, you just love them and change their minds. As long as your child feels loved and safe, no matter how bad your parenting skills are, they will always know that they were loved. Come to think about it, keeping calm and helping your child to be calm can probably carry you throughout his childhood. Imagine not having any screaming matches, it can help in any situation.

 

My Point

Remember, when your children are little, you have little problems. When they are bigger, you have bigger problems. Learn to do things calmly from the beginning and hopefully this will carry you through to adulthood. Be kind with your words and be gentle with you hands. Respect the priceless gems that you have been given.

 

The Do’s and Don’ts of Responsible Parenting.

 10 do’s and don’ts for Responsible Parenting

So please;
♥ Do not scream.
♥ No impatience please.
♥ Always do your best to be understanding.
♥ Try to be fair.
♥ Be a consistent disciplinarian.
♥ You do not physically or verbally abuse your children.
♥ There is absolutely no need to call them names or to put them down in any way.
♥ Consider this, do not expect from them what they are not capable of doing.
♥ No chores that are inappropriate to their age.
♥ Feed them a healthy diet, believe it or not, a child on a healthy diet is a happier child, and a happy child is easier to discipline.

10 Additional Do’s and Don’ts for Your Consideration.

♥ Children need to learn about healthy borders, teach them beginning at a young age.
♥ Please compliment them for who they are, and for their achievements.
♥ Do treat them equally if they have siblings.
♥ At least try to be kind to their friends, and welcome them to your home (unless they are a bad news for your children), if so, tell them why you feel this way. If you did your job when they were little, this shouldn’t be a shouting match when they are older.
♥ Ask if they need your help to solve their issues but don’t do everything for them, unless you absolutely have to for safety’s sake.
♥ Teach them to help out so that they will be capable of self care, and are capable of making good choices for themselves as they get older.
♥ Listen to what they are saying, I mean really listen.
♥ Teach them how to behave in society,
♥ Love them unconditionally, not just when they do what you want them to do. They’re just learning, they’re going to make mistakes, just like you still do. This does not mean giving them everything they want. You’re going to hate some of those mistakes they make but love them anyway.
♥ Don’t walk so fast– they’re only little and can’t keep up, please be more patient, you’ll get there,

10 More Helpful Ideas.

♥ Never take your anger out on them, what ever it is, it isn’t their fault.
♥ Be patient and not in such a hurry to have them grow up, it will happen too quickly as is.
♥ Handle them gently, they only have tiny bodies, oh god, please don’t hurt them.
♥ Stop saying things that hurt their feelings – they don’t deserve that coming from you.
♥ Keep them safe at all cost.
♥ It is not a good idea to give them everything they want, it isn’t fair, and they won’t understand why life is so tough when they grow up. 
♥ If conflicts crop up with your spouse, please don’t use your children to get back at your spouse. Fight your own battles and keep them out of it.
♥ Admit to them when you are wrong, chances are, you will probably be wrong fairly often.
♥ Say you’re sorry when you know you’ve done something to hurt them,
♥ Can you please not tell them there isn’t any Santa until they’re ready to hear it. Consequently, they will never forgive you for it, and justly so.

 

 

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