Families and Love

Love is a serious issue and special care is needed to cultivate it and to keep it growing

Jealousy is an Emotion That Begins with Insecurity? Part 1

Love Triangle.

 

 

 

 

 

Why Insecurity Makes us Feel Jealous?

Jealousy Begins in Childhood With Insecurity.

 

Jealousy begins with insecurity. As children we feel jealous because of a need for security. It is primarily a way of getting attention. We want attention from a parent, but the parent is busy, perhaps with someone else. Then we feel insecure because we are not getting the attention we desire.
Jealousy is complex and brings with it a host of emotions. They feel sad, angry, frustrated, confused, fearful, and afraid to lose the love of a parent or caregiver. Also, children have no way of dealing with their emotions until they are taught to do so. This is their way of showing their love to their parents apparently.

Jealousy is an Emotion That is Painful for Young Children

Jealousy is a painful emotion for young children to deal with. It is an emotion and not something to be ashamed of. Children should be taught about jealousy when they are very young, and obviously at a level of their understanding.  If a child is exhibiting this emotion, a parent can point it out by saying ” you seem to be feeling jealous. Just give me a few minutes and I will spend a little time with you”. This is enough to help them feel secure again, however, the parent needs to follow through with his promise. It is also important not to shame them into co-operating with you.

Jealousy is defined as the state of fear or suspicion about losing something or someone important. And this is why we feel jealousy, because of our fear.

Jealousy has always been and shall always be around. Think about Cain and Abel, Cain’s jealousy ended up causing his brother’s death, he murdered his own brother.  Cain was jealous because his offering was not accepted by God, whereas, Able’s was. Jealousy is a human response and not unusual, however, it is an emotion that has to be tamed. If we don’t learn to tame it, it will create a monster within ourselves which just seems to get bigger and nastier as time goes on.

 

Jealousy in Adults.

Dealing with Jealousy in Adulthood.

As adults I think we still have that feeling of  insecurity. But now it is about our poor self esteem. We may not feel attractive which makes us fear losing a mate for example. I believe that jealousy is complex and not something to take lightly. Some of us feel vulnerable, we may lack confidence, and, sometimes we may have unrealistic expectations associated with those we love.
Dealing with jealousy in adulthood is a challenge, but something we can learn to manage. One of the first things we can do, is to try to establish where these feelings are coming from. I believe that our jealousy can arise from the experiences we had as children and all the way up to where we presently are as adults.

What Jealousy Looks Like.

In relationships we sometimes feel that since we give so much of ourselves then we should receive from the other. The problem is that we seldom communicate what we want from others, therefore, they have no idea what we want. We think they should know, but the truth is, they do not know. We need to communicate to the other what we expect from them. Don’t expect to always get your own way however, it just doesn’t work that way.

As adults we should learn to tame that jealousy down. I know it isn’t that easy. I deal with it when it comes around, but still, it can be painful. It often ends in arguing, insults, misunderstandings, blaming, and  anger. Half of the time I personally forget why I felt jealousy to begin with. It is usually a waste of precious time that I could have used for having a good time being with my friend.

This jealousy always begins with insecurity.  I know that, so I work at it and read material that can help me cope with it. If you suffer from this issue, I advise you to learn as much as you can  to help you heal from it all.

 

 

We Look at Others Who Have it Better Than we do.

  Romantic Jealousy.

 

We often look at others who have it better than we do. I have known so many people who have cheated on their spouse or boyfriend/girlfriend. It came about, because one of their friends had a better looking mate, a wealthier mate, or whatever. They tell themselves “she’s so lucky , look how gorgeous he is, and I’m stuck with “Mr. Blah, I want more”. It doesn’t matter that Mr. Blah loves her to death, works his butt off to make her happy, would never cheat on her, and that deep down she really loves Mr. Blah. Because her eyes are green with envy, she can’t see beyond her jealousy and finds someone she thinks is the perfect man. Eventually she discovers that Mr. Perfect isn’t so perfect after all. She remembers that Mr. Blah was the best thing that ever happened to her, but now it’s too late because he has found someone new. He knows she truly appreciates who he is and all that he does for her. So much for jealousy.

“There is no greater glory than love, nor any greater punishment than jealousy.”

Lope de Vega

Please try to remember that jealousy begins with insecurity. When you find the roots of said jealousy, you have a better chance to rid yourself of it. Try not to make serious decisions based on the beliefs that your insecurities tell you are true. Get rid of your jealousy and begin to think straight. Don’t allow jealous emotions to influence your decision making.

 

 

Link to Jealousy is an Emotion That Begins With Insecurity. Part 2

 

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